grandpaladin | { IC INBOX } || SAVROU

( She says nothing for a few moments, taking a sip of her tea. They have needed to speak, and it is not just recent events that have called for it )

What would you ask?

[He's quiet again. For a while longer. Carefully picking his words. He doesn't want this to be accusatory. After the whole... Jack... debacle, he's just tired of this. All of the secrets.]

[Tired of being angry with people he cares for.]

... I wonder. If you would ever tell me why it was you hid from us for so long.

It is not an easy answer.

( But she will give it -- he deserves it. Ana keeps her gaze on him, putting her tea cup down to rest her hands on her lap, a few seconds of silence to decide just how to try and explain it. Jack had already asked her the same question, though with him she'd hardly needed an explanation )

After I had been injured I felt many things, none of them so pleasant. I was upset -- angry and disappointed. And guilty.

( There's another pause, just another few seconds )

I had not been able to act, and it had cost the lives of my soldiers -- my family. I had been unable to protect them, and I could not live with that.

( So she could not live at all, not around those who would not blame her or would try to placate her. Ana could not have stood it, not then. But it wasn't also her hurt over her family that had caused it but her shame for herself, and the pain. It was more than just an injury )

I knew that it would hurt those that cared for me but it was what I needed to do. If you thought I was dead, never knowing the truth...

( But, even without being here, she'd changed that. Ana had healed enough and she'd sought Jack out, even sending Fareeha a letter. She'd been prepared to face this particular music )

[He wants to say that he's sorry that it happened, he's sorry she feels that way, felt that way. To tell her it's not her fault. But...]

[But something in her tone, in her face, keeps him from speaking it. For once, he's quiet. For once he lets himself think over these answers before saying anything at all. His hand moves, across the table to rest near her.]

It hurt.

[Might as well be honest with her. If she's giving the same.]

Thank you, Ana. For telling me these things. [He lifts his eye from where he'd been studying the table.] It hurt. I am... disappointed we have broken like this. All of us.

[And then he blows out a breath, shaking his head.]

I am very tired of being angry with my friends, Ana.

( Her gaze doesn't waver, and Ana can guess at the inwards battle of his words with how silent Reinhardt stays, and she's grateful that he doesn't lead with his first instinct )

As am I. There is much that could have been different.

( Ana knows this, or at least has the smallest doubt in the back of her mind. If she hadn't been taken out it wouldn't have been quite so easy for Jack and Gabriel to be broken apart, and for Overwatch to have been so thoroughly ruined. If she had stayed, sought out her friend's help instead of hiding--

There was little point in what ifs or dwelling on the past. She could not change it, perhaps only regret.

Instead, with Reinhardt's own honesty on the table, Ana changes the focus to him, bringing a hand up to rest on his )

I would like to change that. I understand what I did, but I can only now move forward from it.

( From their differences then, and their differences over Jack's secret. The latter she has no memory of, and little she can say on it. She can try, she can guess at how she felt and even give a damn good reason as to why she may have done it, but she also cannot change that it has happened )

I do not like seeing you angry, Reinhardt.

[So very much that could have been different. So many other ways they could have solved it. They could have all been more honest with each other. Could have spoken about things, acted more like friends than just colleagues, in the end.]

[There are so many could haves.]

[It's so tiring, dwelling on them. Being angry over them. Angry at Jack, enraged at Reyes, upset over Ana. Reinhardt isn't one to bother anyone else with his baggage, such as it is, but for once, he just feels... old. Like too much has happened to keep pushing forward.]

[If he could not trust old friends to be truthful...?]

And I do not enjoy upsetting you with my anger, my friend.

[There's a slight uptick of the corner of his mouth there. His other hand covering hers.] I have work to do. With the two of you.

You do not upset me.

( His pain hurts her, but it only spurs a drive to see an end to it -- to fix the hole in his heart. She'll be his friend again, and perhaps try to patch one of the other relationships. She's become a meddler in her old age, what can she say? )

But I would be glad to have you by my side again. ( It was something they would not have done at home, if only to save Reinhardt and the others from risking themselves as vigilantes ) I don't doubt that there are ways we can be useful here.

That is good to know.

[He never did ever figure out how to lie. Or otherwise hide the truth. His sincerity is as true as ever. And maybe that's why he's taken all of this so hard. Why can't everyone be truthful with those they'd counted friends?]

[Why was it necessary to hide for so long?]

It would be a lie to say I would feel different. I have missed you.

[And he would, in turn, argue he had never needed anyone's protection. An argument he's already had.]

It has been too long.

( Yes, Ana knows that's on her but the sentiment is still the same. She missed him dearly over the years )

It doesn't need to be now. We have a lot of time to make up for that.

( And for her to hear all of the wonderful stories of what she's missed )

I'd like to hear what you've done, where you've been.

[He falls quiet, for a while. He'd missed her, too. Missed their odd sort of family. Even though nothing can repair it. Not even her and Jack actually being alive.]

[They have time, here. Time to make things right, maybe.]

... You know I kept the armor, yes? I refused to give it up.

I would expect nothing else.

( It was also hard to miss hearing about such a knight defending Europe )

They were no doubt glad of your efforts, those that you saved.

I hope so.

[He looks down at his hands, at the little cup untouched.]

... Jack is of the mind that I have done nothing. Helped nothing.

[Maybe that's why he'd been so much angrier with him than Ana, now. That insinuation.]

( She's not certain when translating Jack became part of her job, a long time ago, but-- )

Helped others? Yes. You have kept people safe -- protected them.

( As he always had, but it was not only others that needed protecting )

But there is also protecting yourself. Fighting still, and alone -- you are in danger, and perhaps trouble.

( And it's what she worries about when she hears stories. There are worse things than dying )

{ IC INBOX } || SAVROU

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject